Bouncing Back (or Not) After Shock or Failure, from Bernadette Petitpas

Bouncing back, or not, after a shock or failure. But first, we need to know what a shock and a failure are, to see if this applies to what we are going through right now... For the purposes of this article, let us agree that a “shock” is an event that destabilizes us and makes us lose our sense of security and the competence of our abilities.

The advent of the COVID pandemic is a good example of this, with its risks and constraints that have turned our daily lives upside down. “Failure” will also be defined as an event that is associated with choices we make as individuals, the consequences of which include a loss of sense of accomplishment and self-confidence. A shock, like a failure, can therefore occur in the professional as well as the personal realm. And when the event occurs, it is often a surprise, sometimes the conclusion of a process of deterioration of a situation. Our self-esteem takes a tumble and is hurt.

Shock. Failure. We have one or more definitions, all too simple, to adequately reflect the discomfort, pain or suffering that results. Those that we inflict upon ourselves through the way we look at ourselves, and those that result from the disappointed expectations, real or perceived, of our colleagues, our superior, our organization. Sometimes we lack the words to put a name to and understand what is going on.

Because the very notion of failure, or its importance, is subject to interpretation, which will vary according to the circumstances, ours and those of the environments in which we evolve. And the meaning we attribute to it, the qualifier we use to describe it, will also depend on the other people affected, and on the relationship we have with them. Putting words to the experience, the right ones, is the first step.

BOUNCE BACK… EASILY SAID.

But you still need to have something solid under your feet... To know the nature of the obstacle, of the beast... It is therefore necessary to take the blow and the repercussions, to feel all the emotions, however painful and contradictory they may be, in order to then be able to let them go and to move on to something else. Some people even have to hit bottom before they can even consider rising back up. It is also necessary to analyze how the shock affects us, the causes of failure, to look reality in the face, to assume one's share of responsibility and, if need be, to leave what does not belong to us there—at the bottom. Armed with these lessons, we can then move on to something more positive, and… rebound.

Except that sometimes, we don't want to feel, we don't want to take stock, we don't want to think that we can be responsible, in whole or in part, for our difficulty in coping with the shock, or the failure, that big word. And there are many ways to avoid facing the facts and staying stuck in this feeling of loss of control, and to get depressed about it, which reduces the motivation to act.

But what is the point of taking action? What is rebounding?  Is it necessarily required to recreate what existed before the shock or failure? If that's what we really want, why not...?

But what if we want something else? To change our life, to explore an unknown elsewhere that attracts us.

Because it is indeed the feeling of satisfaction and lasting success accompanied by a healthy self-esteem that tells us that we have rebounded, as opposed to a pleasant and temporary distraction. And this feeling of having learned something, having grown up, of being able to look at and build a future, of having greater satisfaction with one's life after having gone through all these tribulations than before. 

HOW DO YOU GO ABOUT IT?

Scouts would tell you that the best way to walk is to put one foot in front of the other and continue moving forward...others, that you eat an elephant one bite at a time... Whatever image most appeals to you, visualize your goal, cut it into small bites and then start, and then persevere...

Ask yourself right there, right now, what you really want out of the situation.

What could be the first, tiny step you could take. What will you need to be able to get through this troubled and difficult time in the best possible way. Because there will be ups and downs, of course. And there will be opportunities to adjust your shooting, to reassess your targets to make sure they are still the best fit for what you want to accomplish, for who you want to be. And until you've achieved what you really want, remember your successes, surround yourself with the right people, nurture your well-being and give yourself more opportunities to cultivate your sense of accomplishment.

So, when you fail, as we all do, or if life throws you a curveball or a banana peel, think of Eleanor Roosevelt's words: "No one can diminish you without your consent. There are so many people who, after the fact, look back on their failures, see them as a source of learning about themselves and their aspirations, and use them as a springboard.” 

There are many famous people who testify to this ability to bounce back. Like who, for example? Steve Jobs, who was fired from the company he created: "I didn't understand it then, but it turned out that being fired from Apple was the best thing that ever happened to me. The weight of success was replaced by the lightness of being an unsure beginner again. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”. Michael Jordan is another example, he famously was quoting as saying, "I've missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I was trusted to take the winning shot and I missed. I have failed again and again in my life. And that's why I'm succeeding.”

So, here's to your dreams and your successes!